There are many studies that show that the first and youngest child in the family is treated differently from other children. A recent study from the "Alfred Adler" institute says that the transition from exclusive attention to common attention for all children is the key to a balance in the family.
In fact, there are some expressions or attitudes that parents should not use especially towards older children.
#1 "Big Girl/Boy" or "Little Girl/Boy"
Problem: Parents risk having too high expectations and "undermining" self-confidence.
Parents should give children tasks that are not age appropriate, but real tasks that they can enjoy. For example, asking a 6-year-old to fold the whole family's laundry is not a commitment that children make willingly, as it also sets high expectations in relation to their age. Parents' demands should be based on age-appropriate skills so that children also feel good.
#2 "You must set a good example"
The problem: Parents risk asking more of their children than they can realistically do for their age, setting them up for failure.
Just because the first child is also the eldest in the family does not mean that they are able to own everything. Asking your child to "be an example" is another form of parental expectation of a child who probably still can't sit for 30 minutes in a restaurant and not demonstrate good manners for her sister. /his/her brother.
#3 "You are the best"
Problem: When it comes to a skill or achievement, parents risk teaching their child that they are worthy precisely because of these achievements.
This can "undermine" the security born of unconditional love. Children need to know that they are loved for who they are and because they excel in school or in some special activity or competition. By overdoing it with the older child and withdrawing from the younger ones you can create resentment between siblings, which also affects the approach to attention as they age.
#4 "Take care of your brother and sister"
Problem: Parents risk asking too much of their older child and creating unhappiness in the family.
"Older children still need to be children and not be burdened with the responsibilities of parenting, especially with their siblings," says clinical psychologist Mary Ann Little. The most important thing is not to set expectations that the older child will the elder has to take care of his younger siblings. Whether they can and want to help is one thing, but making it a task for them is another thing entirely that damages their development and self-confidence.
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