Do you suspect that your partner is pretending to be incompetent at certain tasks just to avoid them? Do you often take on tasks because they "don't know how to do them"? Or do you try to avoid tasks yourself because they usually do them poorly? This may be a consequence of the phenomenon known as "intentional disability".
What is "intentional disability"?
Intentional incompetence occurs when an individual intentionally or unconsciously displays a desire to avoid certain tasks or responsibilities, causing others to step in and perform the task for them. This creates an inequality in the relationship, where one partner contributes more and the other less.
Where does the term "intentional disability" come from?
This term has gained popularity on social networks such as Instagram, TikTok and X, where people share stories of how their partners use this strategy to avoid responsibilities. Variations of this term have long been used in other senses to describe the strategic avoidance of responsibilities.
Why do some people deliberately avoid doing tasks?
Some people use intentional inability to seek attention from their partner. By appearing "helpless" or "incompetent," they may elicit a partner's attention, sympathy, or support. Also, it helps people avoid housework responsibilities, childcare, financial responsibilities or emotional issues.
What if your partner is truly "disabled"?
It is possible that your partner is not doing it on purpose and does not really know how to do something. In some cases, an individual may feel that they are not skilled enough for a certain task. But if this continues to happen over the years, inequality will continue and they will never acquire the necessary skills.
Over time, the effects of intentional disability can damage a relationship. Repeated instances of manipulation and avoidance can weaken the bond between you and your partner, leading to increased anger, resentment, and eventually, the breakdown of the relationship.
How do you cope with avoiding responsibilities from your partner?
To cope with this phenomenon, it is important to talk openly and be honest with your partner. Only by addressing this issue from the beginning can you maintain a healthy and balanced relationship.
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