How to deal with a toxic in-law

PHOTO: JEFFBERGEN/GETTY IMAGES

The stories narrated virtually during yesterday evening in Anabel, prompts us to look for more details about problematic relationships, mainly those in the family. Some of the personal stories told had doses of malice and hatred in the daughter-in-law relationship, starting from the smallest misunderstandings to family dramas that then lead to a separation of couples.

Now, it is no longer a cliché that a daughter-in-law and a mother-in-law have problems with each other, a conflicting relationship that makes coordinating the relationship between the two almost a mission impossible. If you have not experienced it on your skin, you may have heard it from friends, colleagues, cousins, etc. There are several mechanisms that must be used to understand whether the person in front of you, i.e. the mother-in-law, just had a bad day today or the problems are deeper and more serious.

Clinical psychologist Bethany Cook gives some professional guidance on how to approach this toxic relationship, perhaps to stop blaming yourself for everything that is happening and to remove all possible "clouds" from your space and path.  

#1 Communicate with your spouse

It can be difficult, especially in cases where one spouse is particularly protective of the family, but open and honest communication is a key element of a lasting partnership. Speak openly, give your opinions, share concerns so that things can take another development.

#2 Talk to the mother-in-law

Once you are clear with your spouse what a challenge it is to live with or simply communicate with his mother, you need to face the other side directly and not turn your back on the situation. You both need to sit down and calmly talk things out, to make it clear to your mother-in-law how her behavior negatively affects your life and day-to-day life as a daughter-in-law.

#3 As little exposure and contact as possible

If the discussion approach does not bring about any significant change in the dynamics of the relationship between the two of you, then as little contact, meetings and exposure to each other as possible. This applies especially to cases where you share the same house. In other conditions, as little as possible going out to coffee or weekends spent together.

#4 Set boundaries

Boundaries are important in any relationship, including mother-in-law. If she shows up at the door unannounced, despite your repeated requests for a phone call beforehand, it means she rejects any proposal or request you make. So, be clear and set clear boundaries for your own sake and that of your mother-in-law.

#5 Encourage your partner to enforce these boundaries

If you've tried and failed to enforce boundaries with your toxic mother-in-law, it's time to call your spouse. After all, it is a member of this toxic family. By setting clear boundaries for him as well, you leave no room for abuse from either side.

#6 Don't take things too personally

This is much easier said than done, but sometimes it really pays off. So try to avoid that negative inner voice of yours, that idea in your head that you will fight or argue again, and simply reframe your approach to your mother-in-law. After all, it's much easier to change expectations than it is to change the other person.

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