Retroactive jealousy is a special form of intense and often irrational jealousy that an individual feels about a partner's past romantic and sexual experiences. Unlike ordinary jealousy, which focuses mainly on the present or future actions of the partner, retroactive jealousy is related to the past of the person with whom you are connected.
How to understand if you feel retroactive jealousy?
You have obsessive thoughts – They are constant, can't get out of your mind and are a little difficult to control. Often, they cause emotional distress.
Asks constant questions about the past – Individuals who feel retroactive jealousy bombard their partners with numerous questions about past relationships. They demand detailed information and get upset if their partner doesn't tell them.
Make comparisons – You often find yourself comparing yourself to the ex-partners of the person you're in a relationship with. You see it on Instagram, live, you start comparing yourself and as a result you feel insecure.
Why does it happen and how to manage retroactive jealousy?
One of the causes of retroactive jealousy is insecurity. This is a feeling that is especially heightened by comparison. Such a feeling can originate from real worries, from imagined fears, or for various reasons, including personal doubts, anxiety about one's self-esteem, as well as from external factors, which are caused by the behavior of partners.
How to manage uncertainty?
Self-reflecting – Reflect on your positive qualities, achievements and what makes you unique. Know yourself and build a strong foundation of self-esteem, which is not shaken by your partner's past.
Think rationally – Whenever you have fears or irrational thoughts about your partner's past, look at the facts to help you think more rationally. Challenge negative thoughts and understand why you are a valuable partner.
Sensitivity to rejection
A study published in the Journal of Interpersonal Violence found that individuals who are highly sensitive to rejection are more likely to experience retroactive jealousy in their relationships.
Rejection sensitivity includes the feeling of being afraid of rejection. This brings intense reactions to not so positive behaviors and words from partners. Sensitivity to rejection leads to the misinterpretation of innocent actions and words, which are taken as signs of rejection, making it difficult to distinguish between facts and thoughts.
How to manage rejection sensitivity?
Through awareness , which can help you distinguish between the rejection that is happening and the rejection that you think is happening. By being self-aware, you will be able to control emotions, responding more rationally to feedback.
Open communication is another great way to deal with your struggles with retroactive jealousy. Communication can improve your relationship and enable your partner to understand your approach and point of view.
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