To raise more emotionally intelligent children, parents need to talk to them in emotionally intelligent ways. It sounds like a play on words, but that's actually the reality according to Harvard neuropsychologist Julia DiGangi.
According to the psychologist, there are three expressions that parents should never use with their children if they want them to be emotionally strong:
#1 "Why aren't you more motivated?"
The brain is wired to excel when and where it can. So when children struggle, it's not because they don't want to do things well, but because they just can't. In other words, the issue is not their motivation, but that there is a disconnect between your expectations as a parent and the children's abilities.
#2 "Why don't you listen to me?"
“Dikur kam punuar me prindër, vajza e të cilëve kishte vështirësi shqisore. Ata ishin të frustruar sepse përpara takimit me mjekun, vajza refuzonte të dilte nga makina,” tregon DiGangi. Por, kur nisën të flisnin me të, prindërit mësuan se ajo në fakt ishte e shqetësuar nga muzika në zyrën e mjekut. Në fund të fundit, çështja ishte se prindërit nuk po dëgjonin nevojat e fëmijës së tyre. Truri i fëmijëve është i lidhur me autonominë dhe nevojën për të eksploruar botën bazuar në identitetin e tyre, jo në bindjet tuaja si prindër se kush duhet të jenë ata.
#3 "Po tregohesh kaq i/e pasjellshme!"
I often see parents make near-catastrophic conclusions about their children's behavior based on their own insecurities. The most emotionally intelligent approach to the fear that your child doesn't respect you is to ask non-judgmental questions and then affirm your willingness to listen. When children are shocked, we are shocked. So when big emotions arise, it's natural to want to control your child's feelings by telling him/her to shut up, calm down, or listen more. But as a parent, your job is not to control your children's emotions, but to own your own.
Source: CNBC
