When people describe the traits they want in a partner, honesty is usually at the top of the list. However, even though we want partners who always tell us the truth, many of us hide things in our relationships, especially about our sex lives.
Approximately how many people keep sexual secrets? What are they hiding? And why do they hide this information from their partners?
A recent study published in the journal Sexuality & Culture tried to find out the answers to exactly these questions. Researchers surveyed 195 college students about their sex secrets. Participants completed an online survey about the number and type of sexual secrets they kept, their reasons for withholding this information, and their previous experiences of revealing these secrets.
It found that more than a third of participants (36%) said they kept at least one sexual secret in their current or most recent romantic relationship. However, more than half (55%) said they had revealed a sexual secret to a partner at some point in the past.
Participants reported having secrets about a wide range of things; however, the types of secrets people kept differed based on their gender. For women, the most common things they hid from their partners were: 1) history of sexual abuse, 2) emotional infidelity, 3) curiosity about violent sex/BDSM, 4) pornography use, and 5) enjoyment of sex toys .
The most common things that men hid included: 1) pornography use, 2) previous threesomes, and 3) emotional infidelity.
Men's and women's reasons for keeping sexual secrets also differed. Specifically, women were more likely to report keeping secrets because they thought their partners wouldn't understand.
On the other hand, men were more likely to keep secrets because they thought their partner would not accept their behaviors, even if they belonged to the past.
Other reasons for keeping sexual secrets included fear that their partner would reveal the secret and worry that it would end the relationship.
In most cases, people reported positive experiences when they revealed their sex secrets. Usually, they had felt more relieved and the respective partners had reacted well.
However, although fewer in number, there were also those who reported that they had experienced some kind of lack of acceptance from their partner and even separation, as a result of revealing the secret.
It should be emphasized that the conclusion brought by this study shows that being honest in a relationship either makes it stronger or destroys it. And when you think about it, you don't get lost in any of these cases :)
