If the mother is narcissistic, she may seem selfless—like someone who always does things for her children and never thinks about herself. She acts this way because she wants attention and needs to be involved in every decision.
If you are an adult, she may be very involved in your life. Maybe you are planning a wedding, but she refuses to come if you invite her father. Or when you talk, she always turns the focus back on herself.
If your mother is a narcissist, she can be emotionally manipulative, says Mark Ettensohn, author of Unmasking Narcissism: A Guide to Understanding the Narcissist in Your Life. Narcissistic parents may give unrealistically positive feedback which can suddenly turn into overly harsh or punitive criticism.
Living with a narcissistic mother is hard. Narcissists are very self-absorbed and often see their children as extensions of themselves. "Often children feel unheard, unrecognized and used by their narcissistic parents," Kimberly Perlin, a licensed social worker, tells WebMD.
How to identify a narcissist?
- A strong sense of grandeur (high levels of self-esteem, importance, self-confidence and feeling superior to others)
- Arrogant attitude or behavior
- Take advantage of others to get what they want
- Believe that they are unique or special
- Exaggerate achievements and talents
- Excessive need for admiration
- Lack of empathy
- Feelings of envy
- Fantasy of success
- Think they are always right and deserve special treatment
Perlin says to ask yourself these questions to figure out if your mother is a narcissist:
1. A mund t’i pranojë ajo reagimet negative?
2. A duket tepër e shqetësuar për mënyrën se si duket për të tjerët?
3. A ka nevojë për komplimente dhe reagime pozitive për t’u ndjerë e mbështetur?
4. A ka nevojë që të tjerët ta dinë që ajo është më e mbingarkuar, e nënvlerësuar ose që bën maksimumin si nënë?
5. A ta bën të qartë se i detyrohesh?
6. A mendoni se duhet të jeni në një mënyrë të caktuar ose të arrini diçka që të keni dashurinë dhe miratimin e saj?
7. A e kërkon ajo vëmendjen në një mënyrë të çuditshme ose të pakëndshme?
"Nëse u përgjigjeni shumë prej pyetjeve me “po” dhe sjellja e saj është e qëndrueshme me kalimin e kohës, mund të bëhet fjalë për narcizmin," thotë Perlin.
Sources: "How a Parent's Narcissistic Personality Disorder Affects Their Child" (William E Krill Jr), WebMD
