Young and middle-aged men are the loneliest they've been in generations, and the situation is likely to get worse.
Over the past 30 years, men have become a larger part of a growing group of long-term singles. And while it's always preached that you don't need to be in a relationship to be happy, men are usually happier and healthier when they have a partner.
Here are three broad trends in the relationship landscape that suggest heterosexual men have a tough road ahead:
Recognition applications. Whether you've just started dating or are recently divorced and dating again, dating apps are a big driver of new romantic connections, at least in the United States. The only problem is that over 62% of users are men and many women are overwhelmed with how many options they have. Competition with online dating is fierce.
Relationship standards. With so many options, it's no wonder women are increasingly selective. Girls and women aged 25 to 45 prefer men who are emotionally available, good communicators and share similar values.
Skills deficits. For men, this means a gap in relationship skills that, if not addressed, is likely to lead to fewer dating opportunities, less patience for poor communication skills, and longer periods of being single.
While there is probably no chance of stemming the rising tide of singles, there is some good news.
Algorithms are becoming increasingly complex in dating apps and other online platforms. A benefit is that great combinations (matches) are on the rise.
How can men benefit from these app algorithms?
Improve your communication skills. For this you can also work with a therapist, to address your skills gap, while also improving yourself in terms of mental health. This means valuing your inner world and respecting your ideas enough to communicate them effectively.
You see intimacy, romance, and emotional connection as worthy of your time and effort.
It is likely that some of these romances will be transformative and healing, interrupting generational traumas and creating a new culture of admiration and love.
Men have a key role in this transformation, but only if they go "all-in". It will take that kind of commitment to themselves, to their mental health, to the kind of love they want to generate in this world. Will we grow up?
Burimi: Psychology Today
