Pursuit and distancing are two of the (most common) ways people choose in stressful situations, with the goal of feeling better. Of course relationships are healthier when neither partner has touched the extremes and the two try to intertwine the patterns while maintaining balance. However, we can not say that both pursuit and distancing are "good or bad ways", but they become problematic if neither partner tries to see the situation through the eyes of the other.
To begin with, find out where you belong.
Followers
1. React to anxiety by trying to be even closer (united) to each other in the couple.
2. They attach great importance to saying things such as expressing feelings and believe that the other should do the same.
3. Feel rejected and take it very personal when the partner wants more time for themselves or away from the relationship.
4. You tend to follow him even more when he / she leaves and when the attempt fails he / she panics.
5. They may label themselves as "overly dependent", "overly demanding" or "too annoying" in their relationship.
6. Criticize your partner as someone who can not cope with feelings or does not like intimacy very much.
7. When you are anxious ask him for emotional support urgently.
Distancers
1. Kërkojnë distancë emocionale përmes distancës fizike kur niveli i stresit tek ta është i lartë.
2. Konsiderojnë veten si persona që mbështeten tek vetja dhe si persona privatë.
3. E kanë shumë të vështirë të tregojnë anën e tyre më të ndjeshme, të tregohen të varur apo të thonë se kanë nevojë për diçka.
4. Nga partneri juaj merrni shpesh epitete të tipit: "i padisponueshëm", "të përmbajtur", "emocionalisht të mbyllur", etj.
5. Stresin e martesës preferojnë ta kalojnë duke u përkushtuar tek projektet e punës apo duke u fokusuar tek sporti.
6. Kanë tendencën t'i japin shumë shpejt fund konfliktit duke thënë se "s'ja vlen të diskutosh më".
7. Janë më të lirshëm të hapen kur nuk ndjejnë që partneri po i ndjek, po i bën "presion" apo kritikon.
Whichever category you belong to, you should know that if you follow a distancer, they will distance themselves even more and if you distance yourself from a follower, you will follow him even more.
In most relationships, the one who "follows" is the one who worries most about distance and is always ready to do something to change things. On the other hand, the distancer may feel bad about the way things are going in the relationship, but most likely will make no move to change.
What needs to be done to keep the relationship healthy and long-lasting is to first respect each other's ways and find a balance between pursuit and distance.
Source: Psychology Today
