People can manipulate you in a variety of ways, from manipulation through flattery and flattering words to bullying. If the latter is clearly a horrible and obvious form of manipulation, we can not say the same about manipulation that comes in a "polite" way. There are people who can manage to manipulate you by doing it in the finest way possible. They do not directly threaten, but question your character traits, your abilities, ignore your boundaries, and insist on their version of reality to others.
On the other hand, people who want healthy relationships know how to respect boundaries, are involved in the report, are supportive, and behave well. Often the same people fall prey to those who manipulate "finesse". How can you escape this category?
People who manipulate want to ignore the fact that we all have our limits and boundaries. They just want to meet their needs and would do anything to achieve the goal. They usually tend to rely on the theory of reciprocity, abusing it. Their principle is "I showed it, now it's your turn."
Such people want immediate answers even if you are not ready for one. To satisfy their needs they may first ask for small honors, to later move on to bigger ones, where it becomes more and more difficult to say no.
Polite manipulators involve you everywhere making you part of the responsibility even if you are not.
"I can not do this without you. You are essential in this project." - This is one of the typical sentences you can hear from them, a sentence to which people can not answer NO.
The first rule to deal with this category of people is to stay true to our limits and principles.
When they try to test your patience, limits or how far we can go, stay strong and loyal to yourself and what is most right for you.
Remember that it is not your job to solve their problems and keep some distance to avoid unnecessary interaction.
If someone asks you for an immediate response, you take your time. Set your deadlines and take a break by simply saying, "I'll think about it."
Finally, to avoid any misperceptions, ask yourself questions such as: Am I being treated disrespectfully? Is the reality of my life being projected differently without my approval? Do I feel good in this relationship?
Remember you are people and not dolls. If you feel like a puppet, it's time to dump her or move people away from your life.
Source: Psychology Today
