Conflicts are inevitable in every human relationship, whether in the family, in society, at work, and even more so in the couple, which we will talk about in this article, which will list some tips and explanations according to a group of psychologists-couple therapists in the United States. United States of America. According to their studies, the good news (for those of you who do not take two days off) is that couples who quarrel less are the ones who break up faster because it shows a kind of non-involvement in the other party's dissatisfaction. However debates should always be constructive never involving anger, hatred or insults.
- Note the time of the most frequent quarrels to understand the reason
During couples therapy, psychotherapists have come to the conclusion that the most frequent quarrel schedule is after work (especially around 16: 00-18: 00) when he just arrives home or just starts a conversation virtually, having almost the same reasons " why are not you asking me how I spent it at work; why are you not interested in my day? ” etc., where one of the partners (usually the husband) is a little more indifferent and avoidant until he recovers a little. What is suggested in this case is just a warm greeting, a kiss and take your time to change, to relax by returning to your partner after a few minutes to talk about the day.
- Set a schedule / moment for each conflict
It seems strange as advice, but psychologists have proven that in case of a debate the best thing that can be done is to postpone for a second a moment by saying something like “we discuss it after dinner; I think we will discuss it better tomorrow morning ”etc., always depending on the issue. According to them, this is the best way for everyone to think properly about what it means, to calm down and analyze if what really happened is so problematic. Another reason is that everyone has the opportunity to control his own words because many unnecessary things are often said in the heat of the moment that we later regret.
- Ask for a break
Për thuajse të njëjtat arsye si më sipër, këshillohet që gjatë një debati nëse vini re që situata po shkon "në drejtim të paditur" e mira është të kërkoni pak minuta pushim, sa për t’u qetësuar dhe për të reflektuar mbi situatën. Në rast debati, sidomos kur po "akuzoni/sulmoni" ju dikë, instiktivisht personi tjetër do tentojë të mbrohet duke mos patur qetësinë e as dëshirën për të gjetur një zgjidhje me ju, por duke u kthyer kundër jush.
- Bëj kërkesë, jo ankesë
Përgjithësisht zënkat nisin me fjalët “ti gjithmonë…” në vend që të thuhet drejt kërkesa që ke “do doja që ti të bësh këtë gjë për mua…” dhe problemi është se njerëzve iu duket më e thjeshtë që të ankohen pse partneri/ja nuk e bën kurrë diçka sesa ta kërkojnë vetë.
- Dëgjo, kupto dhe kërko falje nëse është e nevojshme
The main problem in communication (as an expression of Stephen Covey) is that people do not listen to understand, but to respond, so once you listen carefully to what is being said, reflect, leave behind pride and apologize if it is necessary. Just as people have their own language of love, so should the way we apologize, with the right words or actions.
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