My husband and I are expecting our first child, which I knew would be a very sensitive time for him since his mother died in the delivery room. We met with a couple therapist to get ahead of the situation and he swore he went to the psychologist twice a month during pregnancy. I don't want to call him a liar, but I'm pretty sure he hasn't gone or talked about the big problem he has. He and his father (who is very present in our lives) are convinced that I will die at birth. They do not admit it openly, but their behavior has reached the point that makes me feel stressed and embarrassed.
My husband tells me to update my life insurance policy and asks me to meet with a lawyer to draft a will. I told him they were redundant, but I made him feel better anyway.
When she told me to arrange all my belongings and decide what to keep for the baby and what to return to the family in case I died, I flatly refused. Very scary. No way. The father-in-law, who lives a few houses downstairs and eats dinner with us 2-4 times a week, told me I was making life difficult for my husband if he was widowed with a young child. Let me add that my pregnancy has had no complications and I have no reason to think I will die by giving birth.
When I recall this fact to my husband, he calls me paranoid, but it really seems like my father-in-law wants me to die; his whole life revolves around being a widowed father (never married, never having friends, no hobbies), and I think he intends to teach my husband to follow the same path as he did. At this point, I don't want to see my father-in-law anymore, and of course, I don't want to have him in the delivery room any more, since he told me he would never allow me to have an epidural or anesthesia. He is compelling and knows he will do anything in the delivery room. I know you think doctors and nurses would never allow it, but you don't know my father-in-law as I know him.
The husband, besides relying on his father for everything, behaves as if the day to be born will be the day to die and depart from me. Every minute with him stresses me out and reminds me of how our marriage is falling apart. It doesn't matter how many times I tell him that I'm bothering him, his behavior just gets worse and I don't want to be close to myself as I focus on giving birth. Is his presence at birth more important than my health during this process? My psychologist thinks my mental health matters more, but this situation is so strange that I need someone's opinion outside.
It seems to me that I have not presented the situation as aggravated as it is. I scheduled appointments with the couple's therapist the moment I got pregnant, but my husband wanted to work with his personal psychologist. I didn't want to hurt them anymore.
To tell you the truth, I can't accommodate them anymore without feeling very bad about myself. I agreed and recorded a video for my baby in case of dying. I had to ask for a second opinion because my father-in-law came home to help me pack my clothes so we could store them somewhere. I didn't understand why I would use them again after I was born. He called me insensitive about not "making things easier" for my husband. When my husband came home and saw that my clothes were still in the wardrobe, he was upset because "we have to be prepared."
Honestly, do you think I'm being unfair about not planning my death? Should I support my husband? He refuses to talk to me about his mental problems because he talks to a psychologist.
Am I missing something? How can I support my spouse without planning a painful death that can very well be avoided?
Source: Reddit
