Hello? I am not asking you how you are, as long as you are thinking of ending your life, you are not feeling well. I'm saying "thought" because I feel that somewhere there, deep inside yourself, you have a question: Is it worth dying or not? I have no personal experience with suicide, I have no supernatural powers to see what happens after you leave this life, I'm not even a psychologist. But please consider me at least this hour as your friend.
For 10 years we've been talking through our Facebook page and already on Instagram with hundreds like you: young girls and boys who tell us they are depressed by poverty because their family doesn't understand them because they don't want them back , because they are under pressure at school, because they feel ugly, sick, crippled, and for whatever reason. Most thankfully continue to write to us, which means they have passed. They tell us it was a moment and then they repent. But we also had cases, like that of a boy in Gjirokastra years ago, who confessed to us that he was thinking of killing himself and killing him. And we didn't do anything. We said "Life is beautiful" and posted his letter on Facebook and let people deal with it. Then we felt guilty. Also Adela Gjoka, the girl from Rrëshen who committed suicide yesterday (November 15, 2019) wrote us on our Facebook page. But it didn't tell us anything. He has simply shared some screenshots of "idiots" who go around writing in vain on social media. But I'm not sure if she wrote that she was depressed, we would be able to do anything if we could predict that she would tragically end her life.
You who read this scripture today and you are sorry, sorry, believe me, we are writing so much like you. You are not alone in your sadness. You are not alone in your problems even though at the moment you feel like no one understands you. At one point or another we all meet the "end". Even if I write to you and may seem to you to have all the privileges of this world, I have had my darkest moments; I had my own questions about life, there were times when I was in my 20s, I put life on the scales with death, and only an unexpected internal force pushed me to take my weight off my life. It's the same strength you have. It is the force that has pushed this world forward, pushing people to the last minutes of their lives, when they are 90 and holding oxygen to breathe and the people around them pray that their loved one at least hears them.
Those of you who have thought about killing yourself may be right for 100,000 reasons. Yeah, life is often shit. And yes, there are ruthless, ruthless people, people who do not understand, there are men and women who today promise to love tomorrow and disappear. Life also has injustice. All the more so in Albania. How many times do we all feel offended, humiliated, underpaid, ignored, lost unjustly in this country. What about poverty? How bad it is when you just get the worst medical service, get medication, can't pay for school or have to work a little when your peers are on holiday. These are part of life and they are there. But tell you a secret? You have the power to turn this "shit" into life.
It sounds like an idiocy I'm saying, but believe me, you have nothing, absolutely nothing less than millions more living and moving forward. You are no weaker than many girls thrown into the streets of Europe, kidnapped and raped who after inhuman treatment managed to break free and create a life; you are no weaker than the thousands of poor, born and grown who at the age of 20 climbed the mountains and crossed the Adriatic with a precarious raft in mid-January to seek a better life and behold out; you are no weaker than parents who have lost out of God's rules, their children, and continue to live, though half-heartedly, paying attention to other children; you are no weaker than our mothers who suddenly overthrew the world when the regime changed and had to adapt without any money and children on foot, to be woken up at 3am and filled with water, to dress and run, to finding a new job (when factories and cooperatives were closed) and dealing with family squabbles caused by living in the community; you are no weaker than your peers who found themselves lonely in the ways of the world, without knowing the language, without any helmets, without close family; you are no weaker than your blind or paraplegic peers who finish school, create families and try to live every day even if they cannot see; you are no weaker than your neighbors who finished school, wept and forgot a lost love and are already at work dreaming of the future. I know it's hard to find that light inside you, but trust me you have it. You have nothing less than others.
You chose not to come into this world, but choose to please live it. In vain is not the expression "touch the bottom" which means that we all cling to the greatest darkness, but it is only touch; we don't have to sit there, we don't have to live there; we touch it, we get strength, and we climb it up again. After all there is only climbing if you choose to lift your head.
They say suicide is selfish, say those who want to end their lives want to leave a message to their hurt relatives, say they do it for "popularity". Religion on the other hand forbids it. What they don't say about suicide, but what do they mean? How important would it be to you after your death to how others would feel? How important it would be to you how much the world would talk about you. You can think now how alive you are, but when you die, believe me, the strangers will be blessed for 5 minutes and continue their lives. Relatives or those you wanted to send a message to would feel guilty. Or not. Maybe they will feel ambivalent, uncertain. In any case, what they will feel is no longer important when you are not. Because you won't be. So I believe it would be idiocy for you to really think like these "myths" I just mentioned.
You who contemplate suicide today, please realize that in that darkness where you are immersed, there is a window. It's invisible at the moment because you haven't chosen to see it. In your head every question has a negative answer, you have a list of "all the bad" that happened to you and they look great; you think the world is against you and no one understands you; you have given all your trust to someone and he / she has violated it. You are at the point that you have equated everything to zero, you have wiped out every color of life and you only see black. But in that darkness, it is clear that you cannot see the window. But she is there. Like the moonlight cracking between the curtains, believe me, as soon as you start telling yourself "I want to live," the rays of light within you will gradually find their way to the window. You have to live. You have to count yourself and gradually, others will count on you. Adel jumped out the window and I am inspired to write this letter to you. A little guilty that I never told that guy in Gjirokastra, desperate that maybe I had gone overboard and other letters confessing to depression. But today, I want to think spiritually, to at least help you, to realize that it's worth living. Oh God it's worth it! It's worth it for the beautiful moment when you recover after a failure, it's worth it for the new people you meet, the places you see, the scent of the post-rain city, the waves of the sea, the new loves that are there and will love. come (who remained without falling in love with me ?;)
It's worth the kids you can one day bring to life and is a tremendous blessing, it's worth a new song coming out soon, it's also worth a good ice cream. Life is worth it. That wasted 90-year-old who is still trying to live with the oxygen machine, a few hours away from death, confesses the importance of life better than I do. It's worth living because you're worth it. Beyond the splendor, the villas, the fame, the perfect bodies, the families with mom and dad, we all have our pains and fears, we have our wounds and failures, we are all equally in pain, but we must be equally in coping with this pain.
You are nothing less than others, you are just someone today, after reading this scripture to say to yourself, "Wait, it will get better!" Because it will. Release the light within you to find the window of hope and trust. Believe that you will succeed and succeed, like millions of others. And whenever you feel bad, write to us. Do not hesitate! I wrote from the heart. The profession wants me to review this writing that seems too long, but I won't, because I really have a heart for it. These are the words I would like to say today to Adela, or the boy in Gjirokastra, or anyone else living in the dark.
