In your 17s, you're ready for your first night out with friends. I'm very proud to say that I have some of your father's wardrobe in the closet. Often, you tell me why I wear suits of someone who is dead or not?
I have always imagined that just as I was curious about my mom's wedding dress, you would love to try on her father's costume. Like never before, I was wrong and now I feel so guilty!
Even though I thought I would never succeed, I tried to be a mom and dad to you, but in most cases, I failed. I know I'm not always the one you need or want anywhere near as well as maybe I'll never be enough for you. If your father were alive, you would be happier ...
I know that I often get angry with the addiction I show to you. I am scared by your lack of fear, your confidence as a young driver and many other things, but remember that I am your mother and that is my job. Your father was so good! I know and I'm really sorry for what happened.
I know you are frustrated about your safety, your lack of fear, your fragile confidence and vulnerability as a driver. But I'm your mum, and that's my job. Your dad is so cool. I knoë and I am sorry.
And now your 18th birthday is near. I know you will have to live every birthday with the memory of your dead father. He fled the day before you turned 11 years old. Today, for the same reason I'm reminding you of the costume. I take that bag of dust and remember how beautiful this outfit was for him ... I can't avoid the tears .. Remember he only wore it for very special work meetings?
We used to say he was behaving like an adult for at least 1 day.
It's time to let another part of your dad go. I imagine your teenage confidence when I lie down in bed asking for one last caress from you. Please allow me one last time to remember her, to picture her in this costume; not at all comfortable, but very sexy!
However, this dress today is empty, bodyless and out of fashion. Not even his scent anymore. He fled. Give it to charity then. However, you do not need the costume of a dead person. You're a man yourself now.
* Note: This letter is adapted from The Guardian
