My dedication to you started since you were only 3 weeks old. I promised myself that it would be forever and why no one believed in me at that time. But why?!
I was a 23-year-old girl who came out with a 20-year-old single father of a little babe.
People said that your teenage mother would ask for and take you from me. In fact, I defended it from family reviews, from the prejudice of people who said that a child should be with his mother regardless of her age, no matter how unwanted this child was for her ...
Her absence became permanent, so I insisted that the best she could do was to go away if that was what she wanted. No mother has any reason to raise a child if she feels unable to do so, given love.
I liked you. I wanted the first time I held you in my arms, in my first smile, my good boy. I supported your father to become the father I knew he could be. People told me that I was too good to look after a child who was not mine. I was not good, you were my child. Who else could you have been ?!
You were only 2 years old when your father left me. I had no right. I became your parent only at the weekend. Your world was shaken. You cry as soon as I get out of the room. I had to take you to the toilet with myself. When I left I should do it secretly because I could not withstand your sad face from leaving.
It took me 2 years to introduce you to my new partner. I was so worried that you would feel replaced. I was 6 when I felt ready to have another kid. I still remember your happy cry when I told you that you would become a brother. All my anxieties were spotless. You were and you are still the best brother for my two children.
People told me that things will change when I become a "true" mother, but I became a mother since I decided to look after you.
You're a teenager today. You decided to call me in the name instead of the word "Mom". To me it was a slap. You said that is so better and I said that there is no problem. I lied you.
I am afraid that when you grow up you will turn all the love to your biological mother. It is natural to look for your origins and roots. I'm afraid you'll leave me aside. I'm afraid because a large part of my heart has been and will always be yours.
With all your love, forever, your mother!
* This letter was written by a woman for The Guardian
