Demi Moore's secret diary goes public: "I'm disgusted with myself"

Demi Moore's personal diary was published just hours before the Oscars, where the 62-year-old actress is nominated for her role in the film "The Substance."

Moore's personal diary, which chronicles the early years of her career, has come to light after being hidden in a warehouse that once belonged to her ex-husband, Bruce Willis. In the handwritten pages, titled "Private Memories, Demi," the actress writes about family secrets, her struggles with addiction and traumatic experiences that left her scarred.

While Moore is a contender for the award for her performance in the film "The Substance," her personal struggles are becoming public, revealing intimate details about her troubled youth, struggles with addiction, and relationships with others.

The 62-year-old actress's diary entries, written in the mid-1980s and obtained by the Daily Mail, are being republished. The writings offer a very real and unfiltered experience of the actress and her personal struggles.

She describes the battle she seems to be losing to alcohol and cocaine addiction, which she blames on her first marriage to musician Freddie Moore.

"The night before my wedding, I grabbed a bottle of champagne, went to this guy's house who I was making a movie with at the time, he woke me up at 10:30 the next morning and I was supposed to be ready in an hour," Moore writes.

"Late, hungry and guilty, these are my memories of my wedding day. The next three years were no better," it continues.

Elsewhere in the diary, Demi Moore confessed:

"I feel so disgusted with myself, not just for using drugs, but also for people. I never realized how selfish and unfair I was."

 The actress previously admitted to sneaking out of her bachelorette party to cheat on her then-fiancé, Freddie Moore, in her autobiography, "Inside Out."

The diary also sheds light on her passionate but turbulent romance with Emilio Estevez, with whom she was in a relationship from 1985 to 1986. 

"Every time he called me, my heart would beat fast," she wrote.

The Oscar-winning actress also described in the diary an incident in which she lost consciousness after drinking too much during a trip with Estevez.

"So much so that I never drink hard liquor again," she wrote. "I found myself blacking out and then with a headache, confused, alone and desperately wanting something to put me out of my misery."

 Despite Estevez's patience, Moore admitted to repeating the same self-destructive behavior a few days later. 

"I'm surprised he didn't kill me on the spot," she wrote.

Eventually, their relationship ended in 1986.

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