Many of us have a series of thoughts running through our heads from time to time. It feels like we're having a constant, personal conversation with ourselves. Sometimes, it's healthy to express these thoughts or feelings, whether it's through a voice or a text message. For example, texting a friend, "I've been thinking about you lately," could be just the support she needs without even realizing it. Or sharing a new idea at work can benefit both the company and you.
But psychologists warn: not every thought should be confessed.
“You don't have to say everything that comes to your mind,” says Dr. Sanam Hafeez, neuropsychologist and director of Comprehend the Mind.
“Many thoughts are raw or triggered by stress. If you say them right away, they could be misunderstood or hurt someone you really care about.”
So, when should you be silent and when should you speak? Below are 8 thoughts that psychologists advise you never to share with others and the reasons why.
1. “She/he looks like she has gained weight…”
Such a comment, even if not said directly to the person, can be very hurtful. Dr. Hafeez says that this kind of observation serves no one, except to create embarrassment and damage relationships.
“There’s no reason to express a judgment about someone’s appearance,” adds Dr. Holly Schiff, a clinical psychologist. “It’s not only unnecessary, but also rude. Many of these thoughts are fleeting and, rather than helping, only push people away.”
2. “My ex was much better at this than you.”
Comparisons with exes are a recipe for ruining relationships. Even if you feel disappointed or have different expectations, psychologists advise against expressing it in this way.
Instead, use:
"I would love for us to spend more time together without our phones, it helps me feel closer to you."
3. “That baby is not pretty at all.”
Even if an opinion is honest, that doesn't make it appropriate to share with others. Such comments are considered inappropriate and rude.
“Even if the baby doesn’t understand, the adults around them certainly will,” says Dr. Jan Miller, a psychologist at Thriveworks .
"Vague and unfiltered criticism has the potential to damage relationships and create distance."
4. "I don't believe they can handle life"
Comments about others' finances are often motivated by jealousy or judgment. Dr. Hafeez emphasizes that it is neither your role nor your need to comment on how someone else spends their money.
Instead of focusing on what others have, try to cultivate gratitude for what you yourself have.
5. “Your parents drive me crazy”
If you have difficulties with your partner's close people or friends, it's important to express it carefully and not directly. Such comments can ruin relationships and create unnecessary tension.
“Thoughts like these arise when you're emotionally charged, so it's good to take time to process them,” advises Dr. Miller.
6. “I make a lot more money than you.”
Although financial transparency can be beneficial in some cases, boasting about income is often unnecessary and offensive.
“This kind of comment is a mix of boasting and belittling,” says Dr. Hafeez.
“It doesn’t help anyone, it only creates feelings of resentment and jealousy.”
7. “I don’t like your partner. You deserve better.”
Even if you have good intentions and are concerned about a friend or relative, this comment is usually not well received. It often incites defensiveness and tension, rather than encouraging reflection.
“This kind of thinking rarely leads to real change,” says Dr. Schiff. “It’s more likely to damage your relationship with that person.”
8. "Do you know what so-and-so told me? You'll be surprised!"
When someone trusts you with a secret, keep it to yourself. Revealing confidential information, even with innocent intentions, damages trust and makes you look like a gossip.
“People who share other people's secrets lose the respect and trust of their circle,” warns Dr. Miller.
Of course, exceptions are made when secrecy involves a risk to someone's life or health. But for everything else, maintain privacy and consider it a great honor that someone has trusted you.
